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Murphy called his friend Quinn, "My wife is driving me to drink!"
"Shut ya gob, little man, mine makes me walk!", moaned Quinn.
An American lawyer asked Paddy, "Why do the Irish always answer a question with another one?" "Who told you that?", says Paddy.
Bishop Sheen was asked why the Irish are always fighting among themselves. He replied, "That is so they can always be assured of a worthy opponent!"
Rielly went to trial for armed robbery; and the jury came out and found him not guilty. "Great!", he shouts, "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
Mrs. Feeny shouts from the kitchen, "Is that you spitting in the vase on the mantle piece?" "NO, but I'm getting closer every time!", says himself.
My mother wanted me to be a priest. I couldn't see ME giving up my sex life and once a week have people come in and tell me the highlights and details of theirs!
Kenaan: "My wife has this terrible habit of staying awake until two in the morning, and I can't break her of it."
Finnigan: "What in the world is doing all that time?"
Kenaan: "Waiting for me to come home!"
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